Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
