Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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