Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
