just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
