I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
