my mouth tastes like poor choices
Your dad touched me again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
