That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
