and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
