i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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