He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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