i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
