she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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