Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
