In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
