his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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