Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
