I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Buhtt sex?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
