During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
