dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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