Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
