I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
