Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
