Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
