and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I think my moral compass just broke
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