No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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