Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
