There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
