forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ok first of all what the fuck
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
