The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
