You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
