K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
