so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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