I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
