Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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