but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
