What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
