We named our party play list daddy issues
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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