i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
