took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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