Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I wish there were birth control emojis
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
