So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
