come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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