i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize