my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
