i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize