yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
