I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
