All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
