In the future we'll all be gay
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
