Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't think brook has ever known best
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
