I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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