Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
my liver is dry heaving
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