shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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