Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
