are you still at the devil's house?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
