she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
