I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
