We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
