My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
