I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
