Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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