Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
