You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
ttyl tear gas
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
