That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize