On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
