I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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