he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
