I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
