I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
