How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
