just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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