Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
