True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
