so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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