You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
